USA to Issue North Korea Severe 'Slap on the Wrist'

By Roggie McFadden

PYONGYONG -- January 17, 2003 -- In an event that promises to bring closure to the American-North Korean dispute over nuclear arms, the Bush Administration announced Tuesday that punishment will meted out through a ceremonial "Slap on the Wrist" to be held in the capital Pyongyong.

Secretary of State Colin Powell will make an official visit to the Asian country next month to attend the event as the authorized American "slapper." Officials affirm Mr. Powell will use a piece of bamboo or a wad of some sort of heavy Korean straw to carry out the stern punishment.

North Korean spokesmen say that President Kim Jong-Il will not take part in the ceremony. It has not been decided exactly whose wrist will be on the line, but they promise it will be someone "fairly im-portant."

"This formal, unequivocal slap on the wrist will totally dishonor the North Koreans, and show that we mean business," said Bush functionary Richard Siskel. "We promised there would be no compromise with these evildoers on the nuclear issue, and again we in the Bush Administration are standing tough for freedom and for Americans."

Following the televised reprimand, US officials will deliver tens of millions of dollars in cold hard cash to North Korea with the understanding that the Koreans will again cease developing nuclear material that could be used for explosives.

In 1994, the Clinton Administration came to an "Agreed Framework" whereby North Korea vowed to cease building nuclear facilities in exchange for steady oil and $4 billion in aid to build nuclear reactors used solely for electricity. Recently, North Korea revealed that it had not completely stopped development of weapons-grade nuclear material, an issue that has proven to be a thorn in the side of President Bush in his rush to invade Iraq.

The new deal just negotiated contains a much-needed improvement upon the previous "Framework" as all of the most important US demands for Korean compliance contain "pretty please, with sugar on top" as part of the text.

"We needed to show the Koreans that we really mean it this time: No Nukes," said Siskel. "With the language contained in this accord, we think this deal is gonna stick. And, as we all know, it never hurts to say 'pretty please.' "

From Wilshire Gazette (February 2003)

----

Reader Comments

No Comments.

Citizine Home