CITIZINE REVIEWS
The Vandals stay on top with Hollywood Potato Chip
Reasons abound to check out The Vandals' latest supercharged release.

By Mark Prindle
www.markprindle.com

If you live in Orange County like I do, you've likely been following The Vandals' every move for the past two decades. And through all the changes and upheaval -- the entirely different line-up of the early '80s, the high-speed hilarious hardcore of the early '90s, the slight, half-hearted attempts to streamline into a more straightforward pop-punk hit machine in the late '90s -- you've wondered, "How long can they keep writing such great tunes? They aren't going to give up their eccentricities and turn into a normal serious 'singing about girls' band, are they? If so, I will no longer have any reason to live in this cesspool of shit they call Orange County."

Your answer to whatever question you may or may not have had is right here and it's "HOLY SHIT, IS THIS A GREAT GODDAMNED VANDALS ALBUM." Although I try not to tell people the "Secrets of the Celebrities," I must relate to you what founding Vandals bassist Joe Escalante told me about this record before my ears had come into contact with its wonderfulness: "When Warren (Fitzgerald, Vandals guitarist/chief songwriter) played me the new songs, I wasn't really into them at first. I felt like there were no hooks, no catchy choruses. But then I played them more and more, and they sounded better and better, and now I really like all of them. Basically, it's full of the kind of songs that YOU (meaning me, Mark Prindle, America's Patriot) would like. There's no 'My Girlfriend's Dead'/'People Who Are Going To Hell'-type songs on there."

This description not only excited all parts of me aside from my pecker (I'm unfortunately not gay, nor is Joe a woman), but it turned out to be absolutely true. Like Joe, I listened through the songs one time and thought, "Umm.... okay, well that was certainly a bunch of songs. I suppose." But then I listened again and again, and different qualities of the work began shining into my canal.

First of all, the mix is quite literally nearly twice as loud as that of the last Vandals album. The guitar tracks ROAR at you, and it sounds like there are about fifty of them in the mix at any given time. Secondly, the vocals are perfection in action. Half the time, Dave screams in that awesome higher register he used back in the olden Live Fast, Diarrhea days, and the rest of the time, his melodic lead vocal is accompanied by beautious poppitul ON-KEY harmony vocals of loveliness.

Third of all, though it's not a straight-through hardcore album, it DOES contain three or four of the fastest, meanest hardcore songs the band has ever recorded, and the majority of the happier-sounding tracks are pretty damned uptempo too. Fourthly in this never-ending list of qualities, "Don't Make Me Get My Fat, Lazy Ass Off This Couch" is a wonderful, wonderful song. But I may only be saying that because it's playing right now. IT'S SUCH A GREAT SONG!!! Listen to that vocal melody! GODDAMN YOU FOR RULING, YOU VANDAL PEOPLE!

Okay, calm me down. Back to the real list. Number five: As always, Warren ensures that the mix is full of DVD-like "easter eggs" that you don't notice unless you sit right between the speakers (so DO so!). The best of these would have to be the unbelivably stupid call-response rhythm guitar tracks in Dave's "Atrocity" (also highlighted by his laugh-out-loud emotional screams, "I'M BUILDING A BOMB! I AM! I'M BUILDING A BOMB!"), but there's plenty else too. Lots of goofy sci-fi noises and humorous guitar snippets and such. I think I'm on number 14 now, as far as numbers go, so let's relax our restrictive review format and just hang out for a while.

(pause)

That was great. What's also great is number six: the most consistently clever lyrics you could hope for by a bunch of decrepit old aged concubines. The sentiments are as vehement and snotty as always, but even more veiled and depressed-sounding than before. For example, "Be A Good Robot" sure SOUNDS like a basic punk rock anti-conformity sentiment until you listen a bit closer and realize that Warren is trashing the PUNKS THEMSELVES for being so conformist: "Pierce your nose/Wear different clothes/And indicate that you will never be one of them/But that's how they win!"

Other fine Fitzgerald compositions express desperation at the horrifying state of lazy, fat humanity 2K4: (a) the narrator of aforementioned "Don't Make Me Get My Fat & Lazy Ass Off This Couch" blames his life's failures on "the people who are in front of me" who "deliberately block me from my dreams and progress," (b) the protagonist of "My Neck, My Back" is overheatedly excited about his plan to "drop some bricks on my head" and live off worker's comp for the rest of his life, (c) Warren's disgust REALLY comes to fruition on the seething speedcore "Dig A Hole" ("You think it's stupid now? You'll see/We're only borderline retarded compared to where we'll be/The future generation has their work cut out for them/Keep lowering the bar and dig a hole to put it in."), before (d) he completely gives up hope on the CD's sparkling, hauntingly pretty coda, "I Am Crushed": "'You've got your life in front of you," and so I must reply/That that is just more bad news 'cuz I'd really rather die.... 'Keep looking on the bright side,' but that just hurts my eyes/And if you really cared then you would simply let me die."

Sure, there are a few chord sequences that could use a coat of original paint ("My Special Moment" and "Designed By Satan" aren't anywhere near as memorable musically as they are lyrically), but when you take a look at the overall project, with its rip-roaring production, wonderful vocals, oodles of interesting guitar playing, lyrics to jibe your woo, drums to look at, beats so fast you lose them, and a Queen cover so on-the-money that you'll suddenly recognize glam influences in a LOT of Warren's riffs...

Seriously, "I Am Crushed" and "My Special Moment" are as anthemic as anything Messrs. May, Mercury and (George) Michael (the true heartbeat of the band) ever wrote down on gay paper and recorded on gay vinyl. I'm more than willing to trash these hacks when they start to blow, but as it is, they appear to be pretty much better than they've ever been before (except for Live Fast, Diarrhea, of course, which All-Music Guide awards 1 star out of 5 because they're geniuses). So keep it up Steve-o, Jan and Chalmer, because you guys are at the top of your game!

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