CITIZINE REVIEWS
New Punk Rocks Out
Latest releases from Daiquiri, All or Nothing HC, Gambling Aces, The Hollow Points, The Matches, Nekromantix, Smut Peddlers, and The Soviettes keep the spirit alive.

Plus! International punk rock compilation
To the Bitter End.

By Mark Prindle
www.markprindle.com

Daiquiri
Box Office Poison
(Kharbe, 2004)

If Sparks had entered the '80s by getting really into Japanese spaz-electro-noise-rock instead of the Human League, they'd sound identical to Daiquiri. The vocalist wails, shouts and falsettos like the illegitimate bastard child of Russell Mael and Mike Patton after Mike Patton has had a sex change and turned into a woman so that he can give birth. The music mixes high buzzy swirly ridiculous synth noises with fast bouncy-fun beats and distorted Big Metal guitars. The result sounds like a carnival of LSD users driving their bus 500 miles-an-hour along a desert road that's completely engulfed in flames. Which is weird because they're from Canada.

All Or Nothing H.C.
What Doesn't Kill You…
(Rodent Popsicle, 2004)

…YELLS at you! Just like label owners Toxic Narcotic, All Or Nothing HC specialize in high-speed, mean-spirited, headbanging hardcore punk rock. And just like classic HC legends The Avengers, they have a female singer. However, they wasted their only chance to call themselves The Toxic Avengers, an unforgivable offense under any reign (especially Idi Amin -- that guy ATE HIS WIFE!!!).

So Alanis Morrisette is marrying Burt Reynolds and All Or Nothing H.C. are using their own band name to tell you what kind of music they play -- just like The Jazz Passengers and The Pop Group before them (and the Red Rockers) (and Metal Church). The singer woman alternates between a low muggsy blurble Sheryl Crow blues croon and a really awesome (and adorable!) high-pitched scream reminiscent of that woman in Nausea, whoever the hell she was.

The musicians (two bassists, guitarist and drummer) beat the pissed-off angerness out of their instruments, and Renae the singer is cool enough to include explanations and background for her lyrics, giving them much more heft than you would normally allow punk lyrics to have. For example, "Lead, Follow or Get Out Of Way" was inspired by the graduate courses she took in educational administration, "Erase" is about her biological father, and "Knife To My Neck" is about her own personal 9/11 nightmare -- eight years earlier, but every bit as horrific.

If you're into these modern kids and their loud distorted fast punker motorcycle rock, All Or Nothing HC have a CD out and as far as I can tell, you don't own it yet. Why is that? Could it be that your sexuality is threatened by their female singer? Face it -- you're gay. Just admit it. Nobody's going to make fun of your hilariously small penis. It's perfectly natural to ejaculate before you get your pants off. You can't go on blaming your inadequacies on the women of the world. Nobody's going to laugh when they see these pictures I have of you sticking your finger up your butt.

Gambling Aces
No Regrets
(Smelvis, 2003)

The Gambling Aces play so fast, I can't keep up with my typing! Theirhardcore punkrae rock is ASTE! Tey've got ENGERYGY! WHOA!!! Fast, catchy, shout/sung vocals, cute one-finger guitar solos (talent!), simple but great chord progressions, wonderfully misspelled song titles like "Heart On My Sleve" and the whole adrenaline-drenched heart palpitation is over and done with in less time than it takes to shout, "YEEEEAH!" (and then recite an entire telephone book). Punk's gotta stay mean, fun and unpolished. And Gambling Aces are here to ensure that that's exactly what happens. And that's why they keep beating the shit out of Blink-182 in the public mall!

The Hollow Points
Annihilation EP
(Dirtnap, 2004)

Seattle's The Hollow Points missed out on the best in life, back when every single band in their town sounded like Eddie Vedder. But punk rock will always have its day in a post-youth AAAmerica, even when played with a heavy metal guitar tone.

Their songwriting seems to be influenced by Bad Religion and Agent Orange as well as your basic pop-punk outfits. The singer has sort of a raspy voice probably from yelling too much, and the song "See Ya In Hell" is sadly not a cover of that awesome Grip Reaper song. Lyrical content addresses such hollow points as hopeless suicide ("The Hemingway Solution"), the deteriorating effects of alcohol abuse ("Annihilation"), the deteriorating effects of drug abuse ("See You In Hell, My Friends" by Grim Reaper), our nogoodnick government ("Bereaved") and the deteriorating effects of the Dead Kennedys' awesome 1982 song "Riot" ("Bullet Holes In City Walls").

This music is the direct effect of every influence and idea that has penetrated the lives of these three young people from birth through 2003. Depending on your background and influences, you may like these five songs or you may not. I get the feeling that I would have loved it back in the days when every new hardcore band was a wonderful surprise and bounty (including Adrenaline OD, who were never any good at ALL!). Even as it is, with so many punk rock songs already circling my brain from decades past, it sounds pretty good. At least they sound tough and angry, which is more than I can say for 90% of the prissy little happy punk bands on Kung Fu (unless Joe Escalante reads this, in which case -- dude, Antifreeze KICKS ASS!).

(And they TEAR!!!)

The Matches
E. Von Dahl Killed The Locals
(Epitaph, 2004)

Much like the "old man" character in any fine action-packed Hollywood bonanza film, "I'm too old for this shit." And I'm quite sure that The Matches and their fan base would agree. I'm 30 years old, my neck aches constantly, and I am fairly familiar with around 20,000 previously-recorded albums in the "rock" genre. As number 20,001, E. Von Dahl Killed The Locals has nothing new to offer me. The oldest chord sequences in the world (A! Now E! Now D! Now A again! Okay, we've all learned it. Hit 'record'!), fake ska, mid-tempo power pop, fratboy backup vocals, a couple of slightly upper-tempo "punk" songs with a wink and sports event replacing the anger and idiosyncrasy once supposedly typified by the genre -- all this is fine if you're a 14-year-old girl, especially if the band members are cute and their hair sticks up. And believe me, I wish The Matches all the luck in the world with that particular demographic. But I can't follow them there.

Because every time I see a 14-year-old girl, I get arrested for "statutory boner."

Nekromantix
Dead Girls Don't Cry
(Epitaph / Hellcat, 2004)

After briefly soaking in the band name, album title, and alien shadow cover art, I resigned myself to sitting through another one of those funless industrial-goth CDs that seem to keep showing up at my home like a bad penis. But then I turned the CD package over and three '50s-haired crazy retro-punk motorbike Stray Cat death rockers greeted me with tattoos and grimaces! I guess it's true what they say -- never judge a book by its cover! I then sat down to read my new book Dead Girls Don't Cry by Oprah Book Club Award-winning author Nekro Mantix. Within minutes, my eyes collided brutally with a compact disc and the rest, as he says, is theystory!

If I may be entirely less vague and word-heavy for a moment, the Danish trio Nekromantix dwells in the swing-happy world of "psychobilly," presumably founded by The Cramps of the Northeast U.S. so many years hence. This is their seventh stab at rockin' bones action since their 1989 entrée, and was apparently written and bashed out in about four minutes. The result is punkabillically burning and primitive, the pace anxious and sinister. Are you scared? DO be! Because, by filling their dry ice machine with Zyklon-B, Nekromantix literally murders everybody who attends their concerts! Song titles include "Black Wedding," "What's On Your Neighbor's BBQ," "Ghoulina" and "Where Do Monsters Go."

Smut Peddlers
Coming Out
(TKO)

This rock and roll quintet has a female drummer and loves The Ramones! The double-guitar chords come out at your head fastly, furiously and quickeningly. Song titles include "Hamburger Deerns," "State Of The State," "Rebatron Party" and "My Old Addictions." Member nicknames include "The Duck," "Smut" and "Stiffness." Song tempos include fast. American punk rock has always been a friend of society and now is no time to make that stop, especially when it includes 35 minutes of video footage that you can watch on the old computer dish. So get out the computer dish! Now's the time for some Smut and the Pellde!

It's such a fine line between an advertisement and a review. Sometimes I find myself crossing that line. Usually it results in lengthy torturous prison sentences, but it's worth it if I can help sell just ONE Smut Peddlers CD. In fact, if there were a way to contract cancer and AIDS concurrently in such a way that my rotting, dying body would expel gaseous fumes that spelled out "The Smut Peddlers -- Brought To You By TKO Records!," I would say, "Hand me that sweet virus cocktail, Mr. Syringe."

Actually cancer isn't caused by a virus. FUCK! IT'S LIKE I CAN'T WIN!!!!

The Soviettes
LP II
(Adeline, 2004)

You can't lie to an American man. That's how I know these so-called "Soviettes" aren't really from behind the Iron Curtain at all. That and the American accent -- unless… UNLESS!!!! They've taken LANGUAGE courses! Oh, that dastardly Red Kaiser; I'll get him yet!

In the meantime, how about three girls and one man playing really cute fun catchy fast punk rock with a raw garage guitar tone filled with fuzz and skrinkle instead of roar and "rah-rah-rarararara-RAH!" Every band member sings, and the songs are melodic and everything. And one of them TOTALLY quotes The Cure! You've heard The Cure, right? That band with Ric Ocasek and Ian Astbury?

As for The Soviettes, I would argue that judging by the name, this is their second album. The cover's bright orange though, so cover your eyes before looking for it in the grocery/music store. They're lyrically adorable too: "Ten" tells ten reasons why the singer loves you (including "Because you're funny" and "You think I'm sexy!") and "Pass The Flashlight" is built around a silly rhythmic conversation between drummer Danny and tha ladies. Even if I hated music, I would like the Soviettes. Since I DON'T hate music, you can only IMAGINE how I feel about them!

Because I'm not going to tell you. Now FUCK OFF!!!!

Various Artists
To The Bitter End:
International Punk Hardcore Compilation
(Vinehell, 2004)

In cities all over America, there are countries featuring young people who like to play loud, fast, political, shouting, old school hardcore punk. Many will argue that Punk Is Dead, but those people are jealous unhappy ASSHOLES. Something is only dead if nobody is into it anymore (like a corpse), and plenty of people all over society and the cosmos enjoy fast violent music to slam dance to. So Up The Academy of so-called big shooters who think they can take away my right to shout "Oi!" and grow my hair into a mohawk while using nothing but strength of will to keep the sides from growing in.

And that's the message of this 29-song compilation, which features bands from the USA, Estonia, UK, Germany, Canada, Sweden, Mexico, Australia, Japan, Brazil, Finland, Russia, Israel and some place called Slovakia which I think is between Canada and the USA. Can you believe that such a genre of clarity and longevity has continued to rile the impassioned children of so many earthly spots of today? I do -- and CAN! This is fast hardcore punk -- no fratboy pop-punk or modern screaming rap-metal. Buy it, love those simple riffs and be pleased that there are still bands out there with controversial names like This Is My Fist, Crispy Nuts, Juggling Jugulars and Los Dryheavers. For without them, who would provide such incendiary tracks as "Sweet Fireball," "Dreams of Fire," "Fireflies" and "Fire"? That's right -- NOBODY!

Who's that? Jimi Hendrix? No, I've never heard of them.

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