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CITIZINE REVIEWS Plus! New rock and blues compilations: Rock Against Bush Vol. I, The Story of the Blues, Best of the Blues, and Live from Nowhere Near You. By Mark Prindle Twisted
Roots Oh! Well, I'll ask you then since you're here. What would YOU do if you saw a CD that claimed to be "Twisted 1981 L.A. Punk with Ex-Members of the Screamers & Germs," then you took it home and discovered that it featured Kira Roessler on bass? Wouldn't you scream, "WHAT ABOUT MOTHERFURRIN' BLACK FLAG??? HAH???" Because that's certainly what I would have said, what with Black Flag being forty times more well-known than the Germs and about 800,000,000,000,000,000 times more well-known than the furrin' Screamers! Anyway, as world-famous (and rightly so, because he's a GREAT FURRIN' WRITER) music critic/historian Richie Unterberger once stated, "The band's material was a rather zany, haphazard mix of hardcore punk, moderately catchy new wave-pop, and a snide, satirical sense of humor." I would add to that that they used a VERY high-pitched Doors-like organ, played bouncy silly pop, and had a female vocalist who couldn't sing her way out of a bag made out of air. Some of Kira's greatest and busiest bass work ever can be found on here though, which makes it just that much more offensive that it doesn't say "and Black Flag" on the cover like it should. She could play rings around her co-Root keyboardist brother Paul and his co-Root guitarist friend Pat Smear of Nirvana fame. Man, Kira was good! Check out the "thwapp-frump" bass chord insanity of "Are There Cobwebs On My Face?" or the Van Halen-style bass solo in "Fill Your Heart." If you own the CD, that is. If you don't own it, you ain't gonna furrin' be checkin' out furrin' shir! Except maybe CREED or some furrin' shir, murrerfurrer! My new "r"-based obscenity language isn't catching on as well as I'd hoped. And the Board of Directors is ALL up my arr about it. Bunch of dourrhebags. Bad
Brains Everywhere in life, you'll find Nazi skinheads running around with their awesome suspenders and big ol' boots, proudly moshing and "Sieg Heiling" to rigid, high-speed "hardcore music" -- a form of music that leaves all vestiges and remnants of Negro Blues and Jazz behind, concentrating instead only on the white hot heat of the White Man's Anger. Born and bred hardcore White USA!!! Nope. Hate to tell you, baldies, but hardcore was invented by black people. Four black people as a matter of fact -- the Bad Brains. Ask Ian Mackaye or Henry Rollins. They were there in Washington, DC, 1979, watching in awe as the fastest band in history got faster and faster and faster, influencing every punk rock band in the country to follow suit. The really interesting thing about the Bad Brains is that, even more so than England's coveted "The Police Band Featuring Stingy," the musicians were actual MUSICIANS. Guitarist Dr. Know (no relation to the band that stole his name) was a jazz fusion guitarist, for Heaven's adoration! And sure, they slowed down and became much less "good" after their first two or three albums, but they will always get their "props" and "much respect" from hardcore fans young and younger. So now that you're probably wondering what Black Dots is, why don't I get to the friggin' point. It's a bunch of early demos, played quickly but not nearly as manically speedily as on their first two albums. Plus, for some reason, the bass guitar is mixed louder than the lead guitar. And it was the lead guitarist who formed the gosh darned band! Who buried him in the background? Was it an untrained producer? And who buried him in the backyard? Was it a serial killer? Not only is Black Dots an excellent look at a great band in their earliest days, but it's a must-own for Bad Brains collectors because hidden among early run-throughs of classic material like "How Low Can A Punk Get?" and "Pay To Cum" are many, many rare and released tracks with intriguing titles like "You're A Migraine," "Redbone In The City" and "Just Another Damn Song." Don't delay -- order tomorrow, hey? Motörhead Just moments later, I put in the new Motörhead CD and my eyes nearly burst out of my chest -- "Lemmy's goddamned FIFTY-EIGHT years old!!! How the hell can he still kick so much ass without keeling over dead?" And then the truth suddenly hit me like a pair of pants -- great men, like George H.W. Bush and Lemmy, NEVER AGE. You saw Ronald Reagan at age 80, right? He was an impotent old pile of genital warts who thought his wife was a rocking horse. But not George "H.W. stands for Hell! Whatagreatpresident!" Bush. He's still out there showin' 'em 'ow it's don'! It's just unfortunate that the apple fell so far from the tree. George H.W. Bush is an American hero who protected our little friend Kuwait from the evil clutches of Saddam Hussein; George W. Bush is borderline retarded and masturbates into a jar. But Lemmy is still TAKING ASS and KICKING NAMES LATER! And I'm no apologist. I'm not the guy who says, "Dude, the Pretty Things are back -- and TOUGHER than ever!" or "Dude, the Standells did a reunion show -- and DIDN'T completely suck balls like a bunch of old bags!" When I say Motörhead sounds every single bit as mean, fast, heavy and ALIVE on Inferno as they did on their debut 27 years ago, well I suppose you could respond that two-thirds of the band has been replaced by that time. Nevertheless, Inferno is a KILLER Motörhead album. Everything you've loved about their last several albums (once they stopped trying to have hit singles) is back for another visit -- the out-of-control locomotive chugga-chugga-chugga rhythms, the heavy-as-mud guitar and bass tones, the simple yet entirely original variations on the same old chords -- and Lemmy still sounds like an evil drunken pirate ahoying your mateys. They even present an acoustic blues number for your enjoyment! The more time flies, the less Motörhead gets lousy. The album cover looks just like all the others, the band photos look just like all the others, even the song titles ("Life's A Bitch," "Fight," "In The Year Of The Wolf") are just like all the others. But the thing is -- it's not like Bad Religion where they just keep reusing the same goddamned chord sequences over and over. The Motörheads honestly DO work to develop new variations on their basic style. Time and time again while listening to this latest chunk of wonder, I've thought to myself, "Oh, come on; you can't write a riff that simple in 2004. Why, this sounds just like..... umm.... hmm.... uhh...." and then I'm stuck there trying to figure out where I've heard it before, like Phillip Spaulding trying to figure out where Reva is when she's out balling Lujack, when the truth is that I've never heard it ANYWHERE! (except for "Killers" and one or two others maybe) So there you go. If you like Motörhead, you'll love Inferno. If you don't like Motörhead, you've lived your life incorrectly. Go back and start again. With Jesus. The
Master Plan Ever since America freed itself from the Indians, people have been wondering, "What would happen if Andy Shernoff from The Dictators, Keith Streng and Bill Milhizer of The Fleshtones, and Paul Johnson of The Waxing Poets all got together to form a band? Well, the answer's finally here! And that answer is "They would steal a Melvins album title." In addition, they would crank out the goodtimiest old man rock 'n' roll that a bunch of Chuck Berry/Dead Boys fans could manage. The spirit is strong, even if the production is a bit tepid and the melodies a bit lacking. But let's not lie at each other and people -- this is a CD for fans of these guys' three original bands and nobody else. Why didn't they CAN the mystery and just call themselves Waxing The Dicflesh? Atreyu This great band Atreyu demolishes the barriers between rock, melodic hardcore, and metal using one singer who belches all his words out in puddles full of retard drool, and another who sings like those sweet boys in 'N Sync, a fabulous approach developed through years of Linkin Park idolatry. Sometimes the singer and screamer guy do their bullshit at the same time and it's awesome how untalented the screamer guy sounds. This record was produced in GGGarth's "killer studio" (it's filled with a cyanide gas) and the music is about 400 billion times better than the vocals. When I call a band "great," I don't fuck around. The instrument players sound like they've been listening to as much Slint as Korn -- their interplay is intelligent and well-written in a variety of styles (metalcore, math metal, funk metal, post-rock). They may need to rethink their vocal approach though, unless the singer's really cute and helps sell records, in which case, give him a solo deal so he can gargle phlegm over some session musicians' horsecock music instead of ruining an otherwise awesome band. That was an assholish thing to do, singling out one weak link like that. Especially since his buffoonish moron screams might appeal to stupid people. See, that was another asshole comment. I'm going to be a moral human being now finally and say this: I hope this fellow develops another vocal style, because I don't think he does justice to himself or to the band by yelling in what amounts to a "hoarse little kid trying to imitate a screaming Muppet" voice. A18 When I heard these guys''sss''s debut LP a couple years ago, it gave me a huge headache and I sold it on eBay like an asshole. But either my ears grew a brain or their talent grew alarmingly because this is a GREAT album. It's intense, mean, screamingly shout-bloody throated metalcore, true, but the song constructions and noises and chord sequences are really, really excellent. Original, blasting, interesting -- if I were their teacher at school, I'd give them "18" "A"'s! (Did you get that hilarious play on number-and-letter?) One thing's for certain -- you may find this for sale on eBay, but it sure won't be my copy! I'm putting mine right where it belongs -- in the CD cupboard between A Trunk Full Of Dead Bodies and Abruptum. (It would probably be best if you didn't alert the police to my trunk full of dead bodies.)
Division
of Laura Lee I thought this Swedish bunch of men was supposed to be one of those "garage" bands like the Strokity White Hive-vines! Why then do they sound like early Radiohead? Did they change to impress me? That was quite nice. They certainly try to sound "important" and "deep" on here by burying their ass-simple (and butt-midtempo) melodies under tons of interesting effects, electronic noises and weird fuzz. The production itself is a wonder. Even if you consider it overblown and unenergetic (which it is), the sounds themselves just keep bubbling up and burbling over, and it sounds KOOL! It's possible that I would love these guys had I never heard Radiohead, but looking at this incredibly Radioheady CD packaging and listening to the extremely "sad," "self-important" and emotionally obvious chord changes, they just give off this waft of "sucking all the fun out of rock music." This is unfortunate, because this is not at ALL a bad album, and in fact I can imagine a lot of radio listeners going wild over it, because sad sounds are addicting and, as I said, they clearly put a TON of time into making the mix as thick with possibility and unexpected washes of disparate flecks as possible. But how do the actual songs go? I have no idea. Dollybraid Back in the mid-'90s, there existed for all to see a band called Van Halen and a third featuring Nuno Bettancourt entitled Extreme. Nobody in their wild right minds could have thought the two fit together, and unfortunately their one chance to find out resulted in the most heinous Van Halen release of all time, which, considering the previous singer was Sammy Hagar, is saying something quite indeed. But regardless of Gary Cherone's inability to not rasp hoarsely at the top of his lungs all over Eddie's fluid string licking, it was never adequately proven that the astonishing fretwork of Mr. Van Halen couldn't be merged with the gentle balladry and high-energy funk metal of Extreme. And Dollybraid is (or WAS) here to prove it. Because they've DONE it (or did it). The songwriting is radio-friendly, listener-pleasing goodtime danceable drinkable party ear candy, and with Mark Sims' magical eight-fingered hands blasting firebomb solos and fuzzy metallic riffery all over the top. Unfortunately, this is only a three-song demo (well, FOUR, but one is just a longer version of a previous track) and the mix is a bit too dry and demoey to give 'em the full THRUST that their sound needs. And they're gone now so never mind, I suppose. Forget I said anything! Electric
Frankenstein I don't know Electric Frankenstein from Battery-Operated Count Chocula but I know half of these songs even before opening my eyes. How possible? You're telling LIES, Mark Prindle (is totally what you're thinking). But that's not true. See, this is a double-CD of every cover tune that Electric Frankenstein has ever recorded! And sure, nobody but a weirdo has ever heard of no-popularity bands like "BeBop Deluxe" ("BeBop WHO?" HA HA! HA HA! "BeBop WHO?" HA HAHAH!) and "The Rubinoos" ("The RubiWHATS?" AHAHHEA HHAHA!), but anyone who doesn't know "Wild In The Streets, High Voltage, Sex & Dying In High Society, Your Emotions, 1977, Plastique, Aces High, The Chain, Sick As A Dog, We Are The Road Crew, Wish You Were Here, Tattoo Vampire, Frankenstein, Bad Reputation, Cocaine Blues, Queen Wasp, Coolest Little Monster" by Circle Jerks AC/DC X Dead Kennedys Clash DRI Iron Maiden Fleetwood Mac Aerosmith Motorhead Pink Floyd Blue Oyster Cult New York Dolls Joan Jett Johnny Cash Misfits Zacherly can EAT A PEACH! Even better, Electric Frankenstein (or "E.F.", G.) not only try to imitate the original singers when possible (the singer does a great Steven Tyler, at any rate) but also rework what they feel needs to be reworked to make the songs fresher ("Wish You Were Here" has drums! "Your Emotions" is played more slowly! "Plastique" is played completely WRONG!). I love this double-CD - if you're a fan of rock and roll and a cover tune with spirit and volume, let We Will Bury You! marry you! That's my opinion. How come there aren't any Ramones covers though? Various
Artists Any band that thinks George W. Bush is a callous, heartless failure, fraud and liar is good by me. Pity about Johnny Ramone, but he's always been a braindead patriot (I can still like his music, can't I? Of course I can, in life!). Just look at all the talented bands who loathe our corporate president: The Get Up Kids, Ministry, Descendents, Jello Biafra w/ D.O.A. Not only that, but lots of OTHER punk bands hate him too! Why, there's Sum 41, Alkaline Trio, Anti-Flag, The Offspring, The Ataris, Pennywise, NOFX, Social Distortion -- heck, even Less Than Jake featuring Billy Bragg are sick of his self-obsessed power grab bullshit. So many bands loathe him in fact that this CD has 26 songs on it, 18 of which are previously unreleased/rare tracks. Not only that, but there's a bonus DVD featuring David Cross comedy, footage from The Whole Truth About The Iraq War and lots of great other bits and pieces, music videos and short films. All this for only ONE DOLLAR! Or however much they're charging for it. I didn't actually look. Various
Artists Halfway through this CD, my wife shouted excitedly, "This is great!" Unfortunately, we weren't making love at the time, so I knew she meant the CD, or air. She liked the beats, you see. And the rappers. And the cool rhythms and "beats." The concept is a new one and a neat one: Mr. Kevin Moyer has paired up a bunch of street musicians with professional musicians to create a benefit CD whose profits go to the homeless and street youth programs of the OUTSIDE IN charity. So if you have a charitable bone in your body, ask that bone to visit nowherenearyou.com and order the shit out of this great CD. If you're a selfish asshole like every single person in the Bush cabinet, maybe I can win you over with some celebrity names: Squirrel Nut Zippers! Pearl Jam's Mike McCready and Stone Gossard! Chris Ballew of the Presidents of the United States! Brad Hargreaves of Third Eye Blind! Director Gus Van Sant! Madonna! Ha ha! I fooled you with that last one. Madonna couldn't make the sessions -- she was busy at home writing a song about how selfish she used to be, but how now she realizes what's really important in life. Jewelry!!! Various
Artists Man, Sanctuary's really good at these genre compilations! First bluegrass, then rockabilly and now blues - the BLOOOOZE. All those names you've heard about in books or seen on the radio -- Slim Harpo, B.B. King, Freddie King -- they're all here. No matter where you look, the most famous bluesmen of all time -- Elmore James, Muddy Waters, Albert King -- just keep popping back at you. Even if you've never heard a blues record in your life and your favorite band is Nelly Furtado And Her Fat Ass, you can consider yourself a minor expert after hearing these famous artists -- Howlin' Wolf, Junior Wells, Taj Mahal -- all amazing players with a real feel for the BLOOOZ. So take it from me, from one white yuppie to another, if you're into black people for the music, you can't get NO BLOOOZIER than the artists on here -- Magic Slim, John Mayall, Robert Cray -- WAIT A MINUTE!!! ROBERT CRAY???? THEY PUT ROBERT CRAY ON HERE?!?!?!? Christ, a Chinese baby in a solid gold womb has a better feel for the blues than Robert Cray. Isn't he the reason that the NAACP changed their name to NAACP (Except Robert Cray)? Various
Artists Although I'm not sure this is the kind of DVD you'd sit around WATCHING all day (the visuals are all just photos -- like a fancy new-fangled 1990s slide show!), it is one heck of a great music compilation for anybody who's sorta interested in the blues but can't tell the difference between any of the artists. From Big Bill Broonzy and Sizable Robert Johnson to Blind Lemon Jefferson and Lactose-Intolerant Johnson, from Cousin Joe and Third Cousin Twice-Removed Tony to Mississippi John Hurt and Maine Clarence Williams, from Jelly Roll Morton and Bundt Cake Hill to Hot Lipps Page and Hairy Nutballs Johnson, from -- Hey! I'm not done with the hilarity! Wait just -- The disc appears to be separated into four sections:
Blues Form, Country Blues, Urban Blues and Electric Blues -- but
the narrator only has about three lines from beginning to end! So
really it's a musical blues extravaganza that might as well be on
CD instead of DVD. But if that were the case, how could you play
it on your TV? Answer: You couldn't! Therefore, until technology
reaches the point where EVERYBODY (and not just the Rockefellers)
can afford a CD player, we'll have to watch all our great albums
on the DVD player. ---- Reader Comments No Comments. |
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