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COVER
STORY by Mark
Prindle AC/DC, Motörhead and the Ramones are such perfect embodiments of "hard rock," it's tempting to suggest that the term was invented just for them. Differences between the three bands aren't difficult to hear. Overall, AC/DC is a little bluesier, Motörhead more often than not a little more metallic, and the Ramones considered a little punkier and poppier. What each band has in common with the others is an uncanny ability to distill the spirit of straightforward, no-nonsense ass-kicking into a tight, perfect, 4/4 beat, distorted-guitar formula which can be utilized over and over and over again until all the members are bald and wrinkly. Non-fans call them one-trick ponies. Non-fans also have sex with ponies. You see, in the universe of AC/DC, Motörhead, and the Ramones, the concept of "art" does not exist. There are no faerie visions of Hobbits and spring cleans for the May Queen; no "psychedelic" albums, or "disco" albums, or "mid-'80s keyboard" albums. And acoustic guitars show up about as often as that contractor I hired a few weeks ago that was trying to screw me out of $2800 until we threatened to turn him in to the police for grand larceny. And why? Simple! Because, as stylistically interesting as all of those elements can be at times, none of them ROCK. And yes, of course there have been meaner, faster and harder rock bands that may have come along since these three fine outfits formed in the early- to mid-'70s, but I defy you to find one that wasn't influenced by at least one, and most likely all three of these rock lords. Which one is your favorite? I'll go with the Ramones. Unless I'm listening to AC/DC or Motörhead, of course, in which case I reserve the right to change my opinion for at least 45 minutes. AC/DC For the first five years of their career, the Australian/ Scottish "blues rock" combo AC/DC had the perfect guitar tone. There were two of 'em, one in each speaker and these were heavily distorted guitars, raw as a blister, and completely "in your face," in a manner of speaking. I cannot think of a more kickass sound. Here, two loud-as-frig guitars play the exact same guitar lines until one takes off into a hyper, naïve (though by no means unlistenable) wankfest, while the rhythm section confidently does exactly what a hard rock rhythm section is supposed to do: play one-note bass lines and 4/4 drumbeats. This is a terrific formula. High
Voltage (1975) was their damn impressive debut. The guitars
are louder than a jacket, and I can't tell you how much I love it
when an album has one guitar in the left speaker and the other in
the right. AC/DC first got big in America with their pop album, Highway to Hell (1978, Atlantic). With a cue from whoever had produced the Ramones's Rocket To Russia a couple years earlier, producer Robert John Lange cleaned up the sound to bring out the pop elements from behind the wall of guitar racket. Yeah, they had been sorta poppy already, but never so sheer and sleek! The title track was a minor smash. And, though slower than a huge pile of melting horsepoop, it is awfully catchy. But not nearly as catchy as the non-hits "Girls Got Rhythm," "Shot Down In Flames," and "If You Want Blood You've Got It." "Walk All Over You" is the only real mean fast rocker on here, but it's one of their best ever. Plus, the last song is "Night Prowler," which features not only the greatest Bon Scott execution ever (especially at the end: "And I'm tellin' this to you - there ain't nothin' - there ain't nothin' at all!! Nothin' you can doooooooooooo!!!!!!") but also the last Bon Scott execution ever. Shortly after ending this album with an almost-whispered "Shazbot... Nanu-nanu!," he choked to death on his own vomit. It is too bad, because he had a great voice, and a great sense of humor, which really showed through in his lyrics and performance. Never before or since has a short, hairy, skinny guy managed to sound so much like a short, bald, fat guy. Highway to Hell is an incredible album. As a hard rock fanatic, you need this record. In fact, song for song, this album might even be better than Back In Black. The riffs are so cool, but they're poppy, so if you're into great pop hooks with a hell of an edge, this is the one for you. If you prefer sludgier blues metal with a guy screaming, go for Back In Black (Atlantic, 1980). This is where AC/DC picked up a new singer, Brian Johnson of Geordie "fame." Geordie was a cool early '70s hard rock band with a cool rockin' album called Hope You Like It that, though not quite in AC/DC's league, was still chock-full of catchy tunes. Johnson turned out to be (in my own opinion, of course) the greatest heavy metal singer of all time ... until he lost his voice around 1984. For those few fleeting years when he was the greatest heavy metal singer of all time, AC/DC was, without a doubt, the greatest heavy metal band of all time. This album is amazing. Slow, mean, heavy, repetitive, and catchy, with great riffs ("Hells Bells," "Shoot To Thrill," "You Shook Me All Night Long," "Let Me Put My Love Into You," "Have A Drink On Me," the title track...my sweet god, all on the same album?). Now the Young brothers had a singer who screamed at the top of his lungs (on key), and who had the ability to go higher and higher and higher, without ever resorting to the falsetto or operatic vibrato of other so-called "great" heavy metal singers like Ronnie James Dio or that Queensryche guy. No wonder Back in Black is a classic, with those bells at the beginning of the album, and the way there's only about a second of space between the end of the pop smash "You Shook Me" and the bluesy intro to the should-have-been-a-blues-rock-smash, "Have A Drink On Me." Then there is the guitar in the left speaker introducing "Shoot To Thrill" with a four-note riff that belongs nowhere in the song at all, except to meld in beautiful harmony with the rest of the band for a few brief moments before disappearing forever. Little touches like this turn a good rock album into an Amazing Blues Metal Experience!!! I cannot say enough about the power of this album. Even the hokey songs ("Givin' The Dog A Bone" and "Shake A Leg") don't ruin the overall effect, thanks to those amazing vocals. And Back In Black predates Helmet's obsession with the heaviness/ empty space dichotomy by a good ten years. AC/DC lost their power over time as a result of poor mixing and poor Brian Johnson throwing his voice out. The great riffs kept a-comin' though, until, of course, Ballbreaker (EastWest, 1995). Man, that album's not too hot. But then they came back with a winner with Stiff Upper Lip (Elektra, 2000) which just goes to show --- you never know with rock 'n' roll. Regardless, they've got a hell of a terrific back catalogue. Not just the riffs, but the sound. Plus they sang about boners all the time.
The
Ramones I was about to start the 10th grade and I had run out of bands. I had all the Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Moody Blues, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Yes, Beatles.... What was I gonna buy now? ZZ Top, for criminy's sake????? Luckily, around this time, Rolling Stone magazine put out a special "Best 500 Albums Of The Last 20 Years" issue, and there it was: the Ramones' debut, twelve years old by this point. I was bored and depressed and chicks didn't dig me, so I decided to give it a try. With a picture of four scowling thugs on the street, it sure looked threatening. It sounded hilarious too since, according to the magazine, all the songs were really fast and short, with titles like "Beat On The Brat" and "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue," of all crazy things! So I bought it, and wow. It changed my life forever. It was loud, fast, monotonous, hilarious, and so friggin' funny! Suddenly, I realized that there was a whole world of great music out there that I had never heard simply because the radio wouldn't play any of it! Even though they later traded punk for bubblegum pop, and then basic hard rock, the Ramones remained one of the finest songwriting outfits in the land, and I never lost my taste for them. I just wish they'd have broken up when Dee Dee quit. Background, you axe? Sí, señor! The Ramones were four unrelated young goons who worked dead-end jobs in Forest Hills, Queens in New York City. After a few early line-up changes, they finally settled on tall, lanky, ugly-as-sin Jeffrey Hyman on lead vocals, mop-topped gun-crazy conservative psychopath John Cummings on guitar, paranoid-schizophrenic heroin addict Douglas Colvin on bass, and teensy-weensy non- drumming record engineer Tom Erdelyi on drums. Then, to make it easier on everybody, they all became "Ramones" - Joey (why not Jeffrey?), Johnny, Dee Dee, and Tommy. Then, they all started dressing alike - in torn jeans, T-shirts, and black motorcycle jackets. And then, finally, it was time to rock! Apparently, the Ramones were fed up with the bloated dinosaurs that had taken over big name "rock 'n' roll" (Emerson, Lake, and Palmer, Yes, The Who), and wanted to take it back. So they pumped up the volume, sped up the drums, stripped down the arrangements, and made everything really, really short. There's nothing but barre chords, and at first all the songs sound exactly the same, but there are differences. You just gotta hear the songs a few times. These were truly amazing songwriters! Not even AC/DC could do so much with so few chords! So their unique brand of bubblegum metal became ... Anyone? Punk rock! The Ramones toured Europe and the next thing you know, there are these Sex Pistols and this Clash and all kind of crazy bands ripping off the sound. Oh, well. The Ramones were the first and the best, regardless of what them Brits believe. The band's first album Ramones (Sire, 1976) is an extremely important historical document. Without this, there would never have been a Sex Pistols, or a Misfits, or a Metallica, or a Nirvana. The songs are
fantazmo and almost all of them are restricted to one verse repeated
three times, with a guitar in one speaker and a bass in the other,
two vocal tracks, and the simplest (but most powerful) drum lines
ever created by man. Du-du-chi-da, du-du-chi-da, du-du-chi-da, over
and over again, with a "pish" cymbal crash for emphasis
every once in a while. This is an album made for headbanging.
Starting with the classic "Blitzkrieg Bop" (which later ended up in National Lampoon's Vacation and a beer commercial), eleven of the fourteen tracks are played at the same exact hyperspeed. The only songs that take it easy at all are the dark street-knifing saga, "53rd And 3rd," the goofy mid-tempo child abuse anthem "Beat On The Brat," and the cheeseball ballad, "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" (in a version far inferior to that on their 1975 Five-Song Demo, for it lacks the adorable "boy - friiieeeeeeend"s and "oh-oh-oh-oh"s that made the original so charming). The fast ones just tear up your apartment! There are Nazi references, horror movies, spy scenarios, jilted lover complaints, and plenty of bad vibes aimed towards girls, children, and uhh ... well, mainly, girls ("They chopped her up and I don't care," "You're a loudmouth, baby," "Jackie is a punk," "I don't wanna walk around with you"). Unfortunately, what could have been the album's finest moment, the three-verse, 1:30 speedoreeno "Judy Is A Punk" is missing Dee Dee's excellent harmony vocals found in the original demo version. Still, it's hard to complain about a record like this. Especially in 1976, when music just blew like the wind. I do have one honest complaint nonetheless. Joey hadn't started taking singing lessons yet, and, boy, it shows. Nasally, with a thick New York accent, he hits a total of about two notes on the entire album. Yes, this is punk, and it's cute and funny, but, as evidenced by their fantastic second album, this stuff sounds about ten times better when there's a confident, talented singer leading the band. One more thing. Johnny Ramone invented the guitar style on this record. See if you can find a precursor anywhere - I sure can't! Playing chords as fast as he can and rockin' like a train? About fifty trillion guitarists have done it since, but did anybody do it before Johnny? I don't think so! Not the Stooges, not the MC5, not the New York Dolls, sure as poop not the Velvet Underground - nobody. Guitar playing at its most minimal - but heavy! In my ears, Leave Home (Sire, 1977) is the most perfect album the Ramones ever recorded. It's louder than frig, mean, heavy, poppy, beachy, scary, sad - everything that nobody else was. None of the punk bands who ripped off the Ramones' sound ever pulled off an album this powerful and diverse. The original version of this record had a giddy upbeat rocker called "Carbona Not Glue" that the Ramones were forced to remove from the album because Carbona is trademarked, and the powers that be weren't too thrilled with the idea of a pop band endorsing the use of their product as an inhalant. Thus, it was replaced by "Sheena Is A Punk Rocker," These songs are exuberant and welcoming, even when Joey's singing about killing his lover, or snuffing his mind out with Carbona; plus, there are creatively- written slow songs like "What's Your Game" and "Swallow My Pride," which is about how they were supposed to be the next big thing, and it just didn't happen, but that's okay. As Joey sings, "Gonna have a real cool time / And everything's gonna be real fine." It doesn't matter, just try again. There are also superduper throwbacks to early '60s rock and roll, in the form of parodies ("You're Gonna Kill That Girl"), tributes ("Oh Oh I Love Her So"), and covers ("California Sun"). But that's not all! There's the first of many odes to questionable psychiatric treatment, "Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment," a terrific follow-up to "Judy Is A Punk" ("Suzy Is A Headbanger"), the twenty-word freak show classic, "Pinhead," the war anthem, "Commando," and the horror movie kickasser, "You Should Never Have Opened That Door." Then there is a truly sad song from the point of view of a confused, pained teenager who's probably getting the daylights beaten out of him at home called "Now I Wanna Be A Good Boy." This is easily the most emotionally resonant song that the Ramones had done by that point. Admittedly, "I Remember You" is kinda crappy, but the rest is splendid. After a couple more great records, the Ramones put out End Of The Century (Sire, 1980). I'm aware that the Spin Alternative Record Guide gave it a 3, but that's okay. They gave Patti Smith's Horses a 10. Need I say more? Anyway, this is the album where the "bruddahs" (my least-favorite term that writers use when referring to the Ramones) teamed up with washed-out, alcoholic 1960's legend Phil Spector. The Ramones play fast and cheap; Phil works slow and expensively. Clashes were inevitable. Phil drove Johnny to distraction by spending eight hours mixing the opening chord to "Rock 'n' Roll High School" (the godlike theme song to a godawful movie). Dee Dee and Phil pulled weapons on each other. The whole recording process was a disaster, but I'll paint myself a slightly unattractive hue of orange if I don't love the resulting disc de wax! After this record, the regrettable "Ramones aren't as good as they used to be" era commenced. You see, they wanted a hit. They wanted to be accepted by the mainstream. They wanted to make some money. And three of them were chemically dependent. Dee Dee eventually got sick of the whole mess and quit the band in 1989. Many people say, "Who gives a crap? He was just the bass player!" But that's an untruth because Dee Dee wrote most of their songs! Joey was the friendly '50s music / bad metal guy, Johnny was the Republican anal retentive perfectionist who committed himself to artistic stagnation (he wouldn't practice!), and Dee Dee was the one with the mental problems. Drugs, drink, obsessions - it all showed up in his lyrics. He was the dark one who was always on the verge of falling apart, a freak, a creep, a junkie, a weirdo, a riff-writing genius, a liar, a dumb kid, a bored old man -- and he quit. The Ramones kept on going anyway in 1990s, releasing albums that were all a bit uneven, but that at least never totally sucked. Fortunately, the Ramones closed their career in a most respectable fashion with the 1996 Lollapalooza tour and the memorable We're Outta Here! (1997) video with footage of their final concert ever. This video is splendid and offers everything a silly fan could dream of -- live footage from throughout their career (including some bitchin' stuff from 1974, back when Joey was a fruity artsy guy, Johnny wore his shirt open wide so his rock and roll chest was showing, and the guys actually stopped to tune between songs), interviews, on-the-road footage from the '80s, hilariously dated appearances on Sha Na Na, The Uncle Floyd Show and The Simpsons, an exposé of Johnny's racist tendencies, and chit chat from rich rock stars like Jello Biafra. There's also
really neat film footage of the final Ramones show, including
a classic Dee Dee moment, where he walks on stage to guest sing
"Love Kills," but screws up the band by starting the lyrics
too early, singing all the lines in the wrong order, and completely
forgetting the last verse before stalking off stage and continuing
his ongoing vendetta against Mr. John Cummings. Great footage. Great
video. Great band.
Motörhead Like their colleagues, AC/DC and the Ramones, Motörhead have been re-using the same three-chord riffs over and over for some 25 years now. Singer/bassist Ian "Lemmy" Kilmister, with his trademark disgusting facial moles (and occasional facial hair), and rotating band of gypsies, has made Motörhead one of the most predictable and consistently pleasing hard rock/heavy metal bands of all time, say their fans. Critics just bitch though. I refuse to put myself in the same category as those damned critics, for I see the power of Lemmy's creation. Motörhead are a wonderful hard rock band. They rock heavily, but catchily, with blues riffs that mix well with Lemmy's natural sense of hard rock melody. The Motörheads' bluesy attitude and amphetamine-driven rhythm were instrumental in the creation of speed metal (check out "Overkill," a classic high-speed thrasher recorded a good five years before Kill 'Em All came out!). It can take a while to get into them though. For one thing, Lemmy has a vocal range of literally about two notes. Secondly, unless you listen really closely, pretty much every song does sound the same. But damn you and hells to me, they totally rock, and a lot of their tunes are killer. Plus, Lemmy seems like such a nice guy!!!! Any rock fiend would be a fool not to buy all their albums. On their self-titled debut Motörhead (Ace, 1977), guitarist "Fast" Eddie Clarke brings with him an absolutely filthy heavy grunge guitar tone that meshes perfectly with Lemmy's hoarse roar and Phil "Philthy Animal" McGillicuddy's crash and bash R'n'R style. This is Motörhead! With eight classic hard rock tunes ("White Line Fever" isn't a classic, I suppose, and "Vibrator" is still a little gross and offensive ...), this record served as great early headbanging material. It also contains an excellent kickass version of "The Train Kept A-Rollin'" too, and blows Aerosmith and the Yardbirds clear out of the water of life. And did I mention that Lemmy was a HUGE speed freak? As in amphetamines? Ha! On their next release, Overkill (Bronze, 1978), sweet sweet Motörhead bring on more dirty, smashing beerhall anthems, paced fast for fist punchin' and Irish kickin'. This record features "I'll Be Your Sister," later to be covered by Superchunk, along with "Overkill," later to be ripped off by Motörhead about fifteen thousand times! After putting out the less than legendary Bomber (Legacy, 1979), Motörhead roared back with their greatest record, Ace Of Spades (Castle, 1980). This is the epitome of high-speed, blueezzzeey R'n'R from "Britain's finest miscreants," or whatever the hell a douchebag critic would call them. To me, they're just Moley and the Uglies and they play music that is gooood! The riffs must have taken a good 45 seconds to throw together, but they work! This band knows rock and roll - they know how to chug away at an E and throw in a couple of generic blues progressions, but in a good way! Lyrics about jailbait and screwin' and reptiles and shooting people. The title track is one of the most perfect rock and roll songs ever recorded. If you feel differently, I don't think you know what rock and roll is. As for the rest of the album, obviously it would be hard for it to match up to the title track, but it does a pretty FUCKING good job at doing just that. Most of it is high-speed, and when it's not, you still get sucked in to their drug-addled stupor of distorted electric instruments. To me, this is Motörhead at their purest and most recommendable. There's just not a single low point on the album. If you can deal with simple, stupid, predictable, high-energy punkish bluesish rock, you gotta get it and get it now. Was there ever another band that merged punk and blues like this? If so, tell me who they were! I want to be a fan! Many critics apparently consider Motörhead's next release Iron Fist (Castle, 1982) to be a "step down" for the band. But when it comes to this album, I couldn't be more in the minority if I were a black Jewish crippled Iranian woman with fifteen ears and a rosy-smelling bowel movement of love. Iron Fist is a fantastic Motörhead album full of awesome heavy fast killer riffs from beginning to end with almost no missteps. I love the fact that Lemmy has the balls to sing a song called "(Don't Need) Religion," and it's a great song too! Slow and evil, like Matthew Broderick, or a pitchfork being lodged in and out of your eyeball over and over until there's just a goopy mess dripping out of the socket. There is "America," however, which may be the worst song that Motörhead has ever written. One or two others are also a dollar late and a martin short, but rock and roll is about passion, guts, determination, and volume. Motörhead has all, with the possible exception of marijuana. In 1986, after
a brief sabbatical and continuing record company problems, Lemmy
returned with the album Orgasmatron (GWR, 1986), this
time with two guitarists and some drummer who very clearly was not
Phil "Philthy Animal" McGillicuddy. This entirely new
four-piece band would be dubbed ... Motörhead. Orgasmatron is awesome, with a very HEAVY and guitar-filled sound in every nook and cranny. A listener will find no silly melodies, just one- and two-chord chuggidy-chuggles at all kinds of delightful speeds. Having two guitarists in this band was a great idea because they create this huge wall of slickish heavy dirt covered in a weird shimmery sheen of Windex with no breaks in it at all. This makes for a sound that is much different from the motorcycle chug of the earlier stuff. Timewarping ahead to the year 2003 and even the most casual Motörhead observer is doubtless wondering, "for fuck's sake, will these guys ever stop rocking so hard???" By the time of the release of We Are Motorhead (CMC, 2000) Lemmy must be like a million years old (actual age: around 55), but he's still leading the charge of this terrific rock and roll band as they crash and bash into the New Millenium Seven of the songs on this album, in all honesty, rank up there with anything Motörhead have ever done. "One More Fucking Time" is definitely the greatest ballad they've ever done. It's slow, easy and bitter as all hell (hence the profane name). Plus, stuff like "See Me Burning," "Out To Lunch," the title track, and "Stagefright/ Crash And Burn" is way too fast to be played by guys this age. Lemmy is the all-time greatest. His melodies may be simple, but they'll stick in your head forever because they're awesome! Please everybody, go buy a Motörhead album or two or three tonight, because they're not rich and they should be. Aside from a couple of minor asides, they've stuck to their louder, faster principles non-stop for 25 years. And, warts and all, Lemmy deserves a loving kiss on the cheek from you just for ruling so damn much. Lemmy Kilmister! Angus Young! Johnny Ramone! Without them, there would never have been an Elvis Presley or the Beatles. Rock & Roll begins and ends with these three goddesses of the silver screen. ---- Reader Comments No Comments. |
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