CITIZINE EXCLUSIVE
C3PO Says it Loud and Says it Proud
'3PO Sounds Off on the New Star Wars DVD Collection and How he is Completely Gay

Interview by Rau B. Desai

Famed android sidekick and bungler C3PO contacted CITIZINE and requested an interview in order to make an announcement in time for the release of the Star Wars DVD Collection.

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So, C3PO, it's great that you could make it here. What did you have to say so badly that you contacted CITIZINE?

Oh, yes, mmm, please, let me speak. I came here to report to a collection of galaxies that I am, indeed, gay. Oh, yes, why, for a long time, I kept it a secret, but, now, I had to say it to the universe. First, yes, I had to admit it to myself.

Frankly, 3PO -- do you mind if I call you 3PO?

Oh, no, master.

Thank you, 3PO, but you don't have to call me master. Anyway, what I was getting at is that some people have always thought you were gay.

Oh, I still would say that, oh, most observers thought I was British and not gay. But, I never understood why, because, it's clear, oh, Master Luke obtained me on Tatooine, and not in the, yes, U.K.

No doubt. Personally, I thought you were at least effeminate, if not completely gay.

Oh, why, why would you say that?

Well, you wear that halter-top style torso plate that reveals your wires -- it's a little dandy, you know. Plus, the foppish accent.

Well, yes, no, while I don't disagree with your assessment, I am not responsible for my design. I am an android, developed by others.

True. Well, how does being openly gay now allow you to change your lifestyle?

Oh, yes, fine query. Yes, for starters, I will be marching in the Tatooine Gay Pride Festival this summer.

Wow.

Oh, and yes, don't be surprised if you see a certain emerald skinned bounty hunter named Greedo walking with me.

Greedo is gay?

Quite certain of it, if you, oh, yes, know what I mean.

Greedo is still alive? I thought he was shot by Han Solo?

Yes, oh, while Greedo did sustain a laser blast to the belly from Master Solo, he is alive and well.

I didn't know that.

Well, what you do not know, yes, oh, could fill the stock bay of the Millenium Falcon.

Touché. What do you think of the Star Wars DVD collection coming out now?

Oh, yes, mmm, honestly, that was a younger, less gay C3PO. I am working on a new project now. Yes, oh, it is a film being shot in Van Nuys. It is, oh, called "Some Guys Have All the Butt." It explores themes of luck, fortune, and disappointment. Now, oh, the work I am doing is much, oh, more rewarding.

Fair enough. Lastly, I have to ask -- how's R2D2 doing?

Oh, R2, yes, I just spoke with him a day ago, yes. He has, oh, left the world of rebellion and the epic quest of good against evil to open, yes, an alpaca farm in Oregon. Yes, oh, he is doing lovely and enjoys his quiet lifestyle, oh, outside Portland.

Thank you, 3PO.

The pleasure, oh, yes, was mine.

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