Latest Study Concludes Everything You Know About Marijuana Is Wrong

by Alex Bravo

LOS ANGELES -- January 8, 2003 -- The latest marijuana study revealed that everything you thought you know about this 'gateway drug' is absolutely wrong.

The study, released by the American Journal of Medicine earlier this week, claims that marijuana is actually quite good for you, in moderation, of course.

Much like a glass of red wine with dinner being good for the heart, Mary Jane is equally beneficial for your mind.

Researchers found that those individuals using weed are more than twice as likely to become a successful rap artist and that cannabis sativa, its medicinal name, enhances and stimulates your imagination quotient.

Cheeba was also found to help sports stars with their focus and weight-training. Many NBA and NFL stars swear by it, and claim that, without ganja, they would not be where they are today. So it is fair to deduce that marijuana usage can directly make you a very rich person, both in character and income.

Researchers cautioned that marijuana is not perfect though. "We're still trying to figure out what the deal is with cotton-mouth and increased hunger pangs," said Philip Wojikowski, a cannabis expert at USC Medical Center.

"What we do know is this: weed makes you feel really good and provides an escape for millions of people who desperately need one. As far as I'm concerned, weed is the best painkiller (analgesic) I've ever seen, and just about everything you do is cooler when you're stoned."

When not playing Grand Theft Auto III: Vice City on PS2, or watching some Cheech & Chong flix for research, Philip can be found sampling the finest herb from around the globe.

"And this notion that marijuana is a gateway drug is absolutely false, man. In fact, my research team has concluded that alcohol is the root of most of the evil in this world, as well as a mad man named Bush, but that's a whole 'nother story."

From Wilshire Gazette (February 2003)

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Reader Comments

From: Nathan Fryer
Date: 06 Jul 2007

In my mind you have just spoke how I feel. People don't realize that everything you just said is absolutely true. Only people who use marijuana and go do something with their life (like me) see this.
As in what you said about basketball, people know how well of a 3-point shot I have. Why is this? Because my concentration was so high I didn't think about anything BUT making that shot. Also about rapping. I'm just a white guy raised up in a white town. But I met a couple people and within weeks, I can rap like I was born to.

I feel that if you actually believe you're going
to grow up to do something with your life, and not just sit back and smoke weed and let your day go to waste, that you CAN grow up to what you want to be, no matter what it is. I was planning on moving back west for my whole life to work on cars, but now, I'm in audio engineering classes trying to open up my recording studio. You really don't understand how your article
has touched my life. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Nate

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