Hugh Grant, Balls, and the Power of Forgiveness

"I could just sit my fat ass down on the couch, pop some vicodins, and watch his pretty face on my DVD any night of the week. And just when I thought I couldn't see him get into any more romantically comedic predicaments, he went and done one more with that adorable Sandra Bullock girl. I haven't seen 2 Weeks Notice yet, but I can guaran-goddamn-tee you I'll be the first one in line at the matinee showing at the local cineplex. I just can't get enough Hugh. I think my husband is very jealous because I talk about him so much. I just can't help it though. He's Hugh, ya know?"

--Patty in Yorba Linda

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Thanks, Hugh Grant. Thank you for yet another charmingly delightful romantic comedy. We've come to adore this British import on the big screen, and why wouldn't we? He's so damn sophisticated with his cute little accent and all.

Mr. Grant is under the impression American audiences just can't get enough romantic comedy gems such as Mickey Blue Eyes, Nine Months, or Notting Hill. Well, I don't know if I speak for Patty, but I'd like to see Mr. Grant have the balls to take on another genre for once in his life.

"But wait, didn't you see About a Boy and Bridget Jones's Diary? Those were really good movies!" This is what the naysayers will tell you. Who cares! Two more romantic comedies. The ONLY time I've ever seen Hugh pony up a nutsack was when he came clean on the Tonight Show back in '95, admitting he had teabagged Divine Brown.

Which brings me to my next subject. Although Winona Ryder didn't get caught with a black hooker, she has been humiliated and vilified by the American viewing public for her recent yahooing at a B Hills Saks Fifth Avenue.

Tamara Johnson of Panorama City said she would, "never rent another Winona video from Blockbuster," and said she was even going to "throw out her Reality Bites VHS cassette." With such serious backlash, it'll be a Hanukkah miracle if her career ever takes flight again.

But the future may not be as bleak as it seems. Even though many are infuriated by Winona's drug-induced burglary jobber, there is hope for the waifish young actress. This is where Hugh Grant comes back into the picture.

None other than Mr. "I did a bad thing" Grant called up his gal-pal Winona to offer support and lend a helping hand. Mr. Grant was quoted as saying, "The path to redemption begins with Jay Leno's preposterously large chin. You must appear on the show and express remorse and finally admit fault. It is simply the only way."

In conclusion, although Hugh Grant does not have the biggest balls in Hollywood, at least he doesn't look like he's wearing a pair on his chin like Leno.

From Wilshire Gazette (January 2003)

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