CITIZINE COMMENTARY
Winston Set to Sever Ties with NASCAR

by Pablo Benaforte

Just for the record, NASCAR sucks balls.

"To lose a sponsorship like Winston would be catastrophic. I mean they did so many good things for so many people."

These are the words of Rusty Wallace, the 1989 Winston Cup NASCAR Champion, begging the question: is it simply a matter of perspective?

How else could this backwards fucking inbred redneck swear to anyone who would listen that RJ Reynolds, the maker of Winston cigarettes, did so many good things for so many people?

I mean, let's think about this for a while … Sure they helped promote NASCAR into a billion dollar industry in the Land of Opportunity, but at what price?

While achieving worldwide recognition as the lead sponsor for America's fastest growing sport, RJ Reynolds has also been responsible for murdering countless human beings in the almighty quest for the dollar. This is what capitalism breeds. It's really quite disgusting. We're talking about millions of people here, folks.

Evidently, Winston is thinking about getting out of the NASCAR sponsorship business because of all the recent bad press. The constant badgering by groups like the Truth campaign, attempting to disclose the horrors of the tobacco industry, and a plethora of lawsuits against tobacco companies have taken their toll on this humungous conglomerate.

They are sick and tired of having to justify why they have the God-given right to sell a product that millions of people enjoy each and every day. I mean, c'mon man, it's just free enterprise. Beautiful.

Let me ask you something. Is anything sacred anymore? Did anyone else get frustrated by the fact that an established actress like Katherine Zeta-Jones would sink to such depths to be the spokesperson for a wireless communication company?

Perhaps, Sir Laurence Olivier started the whole trend when, as his career faded into oblivion, he decided to hawk Kodak because he 'really' needed the money. Things are in such a state of woe that the world is going to shit before our very eyes with a man in the White House that has the education level of an 8th grade Houston, Texas schoolboy.

NASCAR officials state that they are not overtly concerned with the prospect of a 'tobacco-less community.'

"We know that bonafide, respectable companies like McDonald's, UPS, and Coca-Cola are willing to step up to the plate and swing away with the big boys of NASCAR."

"Good riddance to those cock-suckers," said Gerold Rudebaker, a devoted NASCAR fan since '82. "Winston will try to tell you it did good shit for the sport, but the fact of the matter is that Winston could've given away a lot more cigarettes to the struggling working class of this great country."

RJ Reynolds officials offered no comment, but an e-mail was sent from their mailroom stating that, "RJ Reynolds is a family company that only has the good of the consumers in mind when selling its products. Winston can assure you that, if it were economically feasible, more blue-collar Americans would've received their hard-earned stiggeties."

Seeing this memo made me realize why convenience stores advertise their cigarettes at the eye level of teens. Winston cared so much about the future of our country that they wanted each willing teen to experience the pleasure of their first cigarette burn.

Oooooooohhh, what a feeling it is to inhale hundreds of man-made toxins into your defenseless body, captive to your pitiful little brain! How I pity the smoker and his/her daily struggle.

I just can't wait to see who the next major sponsor of NASCAR will be. I guess I'm rooting for UPS. Surely, they are not as evil as fucking Coca-Cola and vile Mickey D's.

If I were running the show, I would suggest some kind of gunmaker, like Smith & Wesson, or an RV manufacturer like Winnebago. Perhaps some sort of contraceptive which makes it permissible to sleep with both your sister and cousin with minimal risk of impregnation. These are just a few suggestions off the top of my head.

I hope NASCAR continues to prosper like the totally awesome sport that it is. NASCAR defines the sophisticated culture of the American sports fanatic and embodies all the spirit of the true American way.

Long live NASCAR.

(I was high on cocaine, very inebriated, stoned, and slumping into my chair from the couple of Tylenol PM I had taken before I wrote this article. Say Goodnight, Gracie.)

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Reader Comments

From: Rob Adcox (Roanoke, Va.)
Date: 14 May 2003

Pablo expresses his "superior" disdain for a sport he doubtless considers redneck and low-brow. He also attacks Winston because of the unsafe product it manufactures.

However, what is evident in his article is that Pablo denies the fact that adults have the right to decide for themselves whether or not they choose to smoke tar, nicotine, and carcinogens. If Pablo had it his way, he'd be putting on his red armband and be out patrolling for criminal smokers. Not that I smoke, but I vehemently disagree with your writer that his strong dislike for tobacco use somehow gives him the right to claim moral superiority over those who do. Hardly a "democratic" approach on his part.

Oh, and for the record, I used to enjoy watching NASCAR races when I was pursuing my Master's degree in community couseling. While I don't go barefoot in the summer or collect rusty old vehicles in my front yard, I suppose that Pablo reserves for himself the right to indulge in his narcissism, his self importance, and his assumption (i.e., stereotype) that all -or even most- NASCAR fans do collect junk. Fine, as long as he doesn't set out to browbeat others with his conceit. Pablo clearly needs to learn to tolerate differing viewpoints, and to celebrate diversity.

After all, Jesse Jackson and NASCAR do.

Thanks much for your time.

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Reply from the author:

Let me first thank you, Rob, for taking the time to write such an eloquent letter. I appreciate you voicing your opinions on my essay.

I do emphatically disagree with your assessment of my NASCAR story. More than anything, this is a sardonic and cutting look at the tobacco industry. When I realized I could infuse a hugely popular sport like NASCAR into it, I simply could not resist the temptation to express myself on these very topics.

You seem to have a problem with my "superior" disdain for NASCAR. First, you must remember that this is simply my opinion. Furthermore, commentary of sports is largely opinion and not factually based. Very seldom do you see the words 'allegedly' or 'supposedly' in the sports pages.

Well, I have a problem with your "almighty" disdain for my commentary. Seeing as you are not a smoker yourself, you should not be too upset about me thrashing a billion dollar industry that provides a product that kills millions, year after year.

I don't think I need to state that smokers are smoking by their own volition--that should be assumed and easily understood. I never made any claims that would contradict that. As far as my 'moral superiority,' I can only apologize to you if my article made you feel inadequate or violated. Me being better than you really has nothing to do with this article, and being 'democratic' in my writing really never occurred to me. I write for a small, independent paper which allows me the freedom to speak my mind on various topics. It is what I do.

Yes, I do use stereotypes in describing most fans of NASCAR. My hope is that, while some people will not care for my writing, perhaps others will enjoy it for its sarcastic review of a laughable sport contaminated by Big Tobacco.

In closing, I must say I'm a little disappointed with you, Rob. As a nonsmoker, I thought you would stand united in my war against the tobacco industry. Evidently you're too busy celebrating diversity and community-counseling others to care about the horrors of an industry that is eroding the moral fiber of our great land.

And by the way, teaming up NASCAR with Jesse Jackson will do nothing but retard your case.

Sincerely,
Pablo Benaforte

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From: Rob Adcox (Roanoke, Va.)
Date: 27 May 2003

Well looky at whut we got here. You city types sure do talk all purty! Know whut? I think I'll play you a real scary song on this here banjo...

As I'm sure you're painfully aware, Mr. Benaforte isn't the only person who has the right to exercise free speech. Gee, I guess that means if I want to say that his essays read like something one would read in a high school paper, I can say that. If I want to state that Mr. Benaforte is a whining sap, I can say that too. And if I want to accuse Mr. Benaforte of "premature articulation", I can even say that.

Gee, to malign NASCAR while railing against the tobacco industry sounds like "the ends justify the means" to me, Mr. Benaforte. You've concluded that since NASCAR is largely propped up by Winston, that it MUST be okay to attack its fan base. After all, if the fans have a world view different from yours, then obviously something must be wrong with them. Benaforte's view of things is far superior than that of those dreadful NASCAR peasants.

Thankfully, Benaforte has chosen to attack the tobacco industry, thereby protecting smokers from themselves. Wow! What an outpouring of love! Who knows? Maybe one of them there days Mr. Benaforte will even take a mess of us NASCAR fans to the National Art Gallery to see the paintin's done by some feller named Paul Klee, less'n there's a tractor pull going on that day...

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